


i'll tell you what i'm thinking about

by infernals



Series: Honey Love [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infernals/pseuds/infernals
Summary: Falling in love with your best friend seems romantic, that was until Embry realised he could never have what his heart desired.(Oneshot; possibly continued if it's liked.)





	i'll tell you what i'm thinking about

**Author's Note:**

> [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOySR3DJO5Q) goes with this fic

In all his 17 years, Embry had never noticed quite how beautiful his best friend was. 

 

They sat together, as friends, the bonfire blazing in front of them. Paul had got hold of a guitar and was strumming a radio hit to Jacob’s older sister - Embry was not quite sure if he was serious or not, it was hard to tell with Paul. It was a pained reminder though, one that settled in his gut again and again, that he could never mess around in the same way with Quil.

Next to him was Quil, the distance between them was close, but far enough for him to be aware of how separate they were. His best friend was far closer to his girlfriend. Their knees touched and her head rested on his shoulder; close and intimate in a way that Embry felt he would never be with anyone. It was a mistake, he realised immediately, to look down at their hands. Quil’s fingers were laced with hers, squeezing her hand as Paul sang a particularly sappy line to Jacob’s sister. It was a pang, a knife that cut away the last of his strength that evening.

Embry stood up.

He shoved his hands into his short’s pockets, bunching them into fists and hopping back over the log he was sat on. Desperate to get away, determined to not out himself or ruin his best friend’s happiness, he started jogging. And then he ran.

Embry often ran. The faster he ran, the more he cried, and the more he felt his wolf push its way out of his body. Running on all fours gave him a sense of clarity. He was an animal and animals did not feel the sharp ache in their soul the way he did.

In the depths of the forest he phased back, no one was here to see his shame and fear, and to see how much he wanted to cry.

And cry Embry did.

His sobs broke free and choked him, choked the sounds that left him and echoed around the trees, muffled by his hands and the fresh summer leaves. He had not left himself cry like this before. Not over this, never over this. No one could know how he felt, it had taken years for him to realise how he felt, and only then did he realise it would be all impossible for him to love like his heart desired. So he cried to the earth and trees in the hope they could comfort him in a way that only nature could.

A crack in the underbrush startled him from his lonely admissions and he shot up straight, wiping away tears in fear that someone might have heard him. Hoping that it was an animal, or someone he did not know.

Though he should have realised that was not likely. 

Standing a few feet before him was Quil, his hand slightly outstretched - and Embry wanted to hold it like they had as children.

“Embry…” Quil started, his brow frowned in concern. “You left so suddenly, I… Em, what’s wrong?”

With his intimate feelings laid bare around, stripped of all reason and his trapped feelings prowling his gentle heart, Embry felt those words crawl up his raw throat.

“I love you!” 

Embry startled backwards. He clutched his hand over his mouth, _as if_ he could hold those words back now. He stumbled backwards, tugging at his shirt and letting tears begin to spill all over again. There was nothing to be done now. In one single moment he had undone over a decade of friendship, ruined himself and any life he had here if Quil told anyone else.

Quil just stared at him; his mouth half open, his expression unreadable, as if there was something he wanted to say but the words would just not form.

He was crying quietly now, the moment was frozen and he had no way of moving away. There was no going back now, Embry knew, the world was insurmountable and he had no way of climbing out.

“I love you,” he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> let me know if you guys want any more!


End file.
